Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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