She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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