You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
