I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
