i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
