I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Randomize
