I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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