I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
