i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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