I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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