Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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