I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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