True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
