I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
