I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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