Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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