At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You ate ashes out of my bong
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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