So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
