There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
