I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
