My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
