my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
