my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
