Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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