Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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