It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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