also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
