Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
