I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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