I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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