An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
