I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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