she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
