Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't put those talents on a resume
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
