I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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