in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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