i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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