I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
