are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
