Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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