How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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