I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
