yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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