i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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