Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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