they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
