so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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