He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
