I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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