Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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