We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
