if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
