Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
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