got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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