You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
