We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
