Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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