So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
