i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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