What tipped you off? The sombrero?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
