Just cropdusted the office
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
