You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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