Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
