Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
