i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
