Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
