He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
