I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Damn victory sex feels great
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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