Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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