No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
