remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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