I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
