Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
