How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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