I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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