i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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