i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
