They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
