well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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