ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think i have two assholes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
