I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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