Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
