$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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