K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My ass is underappreciated
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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