the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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