She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They took my balls.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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