So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
