he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
