Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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